Never deviate from the script.
In 2013, there has been one question that I’ve been asked over and over again:
“Why are you doing this?”
Specifically, what I think that I’m really being asked is: “seriously man, why in the hell is it so important for you to create a nicer world to work in and live in? Why are you so passionate about this topic?”
Believe it or not, since I launched this blog 5 months ago, I don’t think that I’ve ever directly answered that question before.
I will now.
The short answer is because I have to do this.
Below is the longer answer.
The Story Behind The Story
Many years ago, I worked at a job that was absolutely horrendous, to put it mildly.
The company (I’m using that term very loosely) was unbelievably corrupt and engaged in some of the shadiest practices imaginable to make a quick buck and retain their customers. Equally as bad, they were well-known for treating their front line employees in a manner that would make many third-world prison wardens blush.
In fact, my experience there was so horrific that I removed them from my resume because I would rather have a gap in my employment history than ever admit to anyone that I actually worked at that dump.
It is impossible for me to adequately describe how I felt each morning when the alarm clock went off in preparation for another work day there. The best term that I can come up with to describe that sickening feeling is “soul-destroying pain.”
That is not meant for dramatic effect either.
Each day before work, I would sit in the parking lot and stare at my watch (which was perfectly synchronized with the office clock), and literally wait for the last possible second before I would leave my car and pitifully drag myself inside the office.
With the exception of my first month on the job, I did that everyday that I worked there.
And I worked there for close to two years.
Once I made it inside, I would walk through a seemingly endless sea of cubicles before I finally made it to mine.
Along the way, I was met with the faces of people whose souls were already completely destroyed by that company. Many of them could barely muster a “hi” or a “good morning,” because it would require too much of their energy to do it. Deep down, I think they knew that every ounce of their energy would eventually be called upon just to get through another day in that hell hole.
It was the most unhealthy working environment that I have ever witnessed in my entire life.
What made it worse was that I personally knew the reasons why many of my coworkers eventually became “broken” too.
Their spirits were broken once the “bait & switch” during the interview process became obvious (it usually happened after the first week on the job), and it was clear what the real nature of their work was going to be.
Their souls were destroyed when they were constantly victimized by the destructive “management practices” that the company’s leadership would proudly use against their front line employees.
Their dignity was stripped from them when it was clear that they were expected to accept any and all forms of customer abuse in order to retain their customers’ business at all costs, or lose their jobs instantly.
As much as I’m trying, there really is no way to describe the horrors of working for that company. For now, all that you need to know was that working there was the worst experience of my professional life. For close to 2 years, there was nothing that was more important to me than finding a way to escape that job with my sanity.
The scariest part was that I almost failed in my efforts to do so.
The Morning That Everything Changed
I’ll never forget that life changing day many years ago.
My alarm went off on that nondescript autumn morning, and instead of feeling the usual fear, dread, or “soul-destroying pain” that were my constant companions for close to 2 years, all of those feelings were all gone.
Little did I know at the time, but this was not a good thing.
Instead of feeling pain, I woke up feeling nothing. My pain was replaced by complete and utter emptiness. It was such a bizarre feeling, and unless you’ve ever felt complete emotional emptiness before, you might not get what I’m about to say.
Nothing mattered to me anymore. My job didn’t matter to me. My fiancée (who is now my lovely wife and mother of my equally lovely two little girls) didn’t matter to me. My happiness didn’t matter to me. My life didn’t matter to me.
On that day, I knew what it was like to have my soul destroyed.
The normally enthusiastic, life-of-the-party, and boundlessly energetic guy who loved to make everyone smile was effectively dead inside. I was now officially one of the company’s soulless army of thousands who would mindlessly support its “mission” until I was too old and broken down to do it anymore.
The company won and I lost. Even though I was fully aware of this fact, and even though I swore that I would never be one of the company’s zombies–at that point, I was too emotionally destroyed to care.
Unfortunately, that was far from the worst of my problems.
As I drove in to work on that autumn morning, I still vividly remember some extremely terrifying thoughts creeping into my mind.
You could just drive your car off the freeway overpass. Come on man, just turn the wheel and gun the accelerator. Seriously, just do it and get it over with. Your life doesn’t matter to anyone.
These weren’t just passing thoughts. These were strong impulses. To this day, I don’t know what was inside of me that allowed me to ignore those dark thoughts and continue to drive to work that morning. But when I finally made it to the parking lot, I absolutely lost it as I slumped over the steering wheel of my car and started to cry like no adult has ever cried before.
Trust me, I’m talking about the ugly cry–complete with an endless flow of snot running out my nose, both eyes puffy and bloodshot, and coughing to the point where I was barely able to breathe.
Unlike before, this was a good thing.
That was all the proof that I needed to prove to myself that I wasn’t completely emotionally dead.
Not yet, anyway.
Before I got to that point, I knew exactly what I had to do. I cleaned up my face, slammed my car door, and walked into the office with a single-minded purpose to do what I should have done 18 months earlier.
I powered up my computer, typed up my resignation letter, submitted it to my boss (who, to this day, is the only genuinely good person that I have ever encountered in a leadership position at that company), and two weeks later I walked away from my job without another job lined up or without a lot of money in savings.
Believe me, it wasn’t easy at all to quit a job without another source of income–but to this day, it still is one of the best decisions that I have ever made in my entire life.
Thankfully, I didn’t leave that company empty-handed. I walked out of the doors of that company with two things that were far more valuable than another job or thousands of dollars in a savings account.
I left with my sanity and my new mission.
My New Script
As I walked out of the doors of that company for the last time, I knew that there was so much more work to be done. After my initial celebration, my thoughts started to shift from my drama to the drama of the people who were facing similar situations.
There are a lot of people in the world who are currently feeling a pain that’s as bad, or worse, than anything that I have ever experienced at that company.
Millions of people, in fact.
Maybe you’re one of those people. If you’re there now, please know that I feel you more than the words in this blog post could ever convey to you.
What has kept me up at night for years is the fact that a lot of the misery at work could be eliminated for you, and millions of others, if someone cared enough to do something about it.
Believe me, I’m willing to do something about it, and it starts by asking the tough questions.
Why do we accept a working world where it is far more important for companies to turn a consistent profit than it is to consistently treat their employees with kindness, dignity, and respect without exception?
Why do we accept a working world where some bosses believe that the best way to get the most out of their staff is to micromanage them, bully them, and basically scare them into compliance?
Why do we accept a working world where we put up with aggressively rude, abusive, and horrifically awful customers in hopes of retaining their business?
Most importantly, why don’t more people give a damn about changing any of this?
Maybe I’m naive, but here’s what I believe:
If companies all over the world focused their energy on eliminating the bullies, the jerks, the asshats, the chronically lazy, and anyone else who is destroying the morale of their employees from their workforces–and they did it with the same enthusiasm and interest usually reserved for attracting new customers, the working world would change overnight.
Doesn’t it make sense to have happy and engaged employees serving as the face of your company at all times? Shouldn’t anything that consistently gets in the way of their employees’ happiness and engagement be considered Public Enemy #1 and ruthlessly eliminated? Doesn’t it make sense that employees who truly enjoy what they do and are engaged in their work will work their asses off to ensure that their customers are happy, the company’s mission is followed, and that the financial bottom line is exceeded?
It’s these ridiculously simple ideas that drove me to write my personal mission on a post-it note and carry it around in my pocket as a reminder of what I’m fighting for. Some of you already know that I have kept this post-it note (which I’ve always called “my script”) in my pocket for seven years and counting. Here’s what it says:
All forms of work can and should be enjoyed, and anything that gets in the way of that enjoyment must be ruthlessly eliminated.”
It is my personal dream and mission to help millions of people to enjoy their work instead of living in darkness like I did for close to 2 years of my life.
I will never get those years back, but maybe I can help someone else to avoid the same fate.
That’s why I’m doing this.
Committing to the Script
If I look at the mass, I will never act. If I look at the one, I will.” -Mother Teresa
There are literally millions of people all over the world who are miserable at work.
There are millions of people who cry themselves to sleep at night solely because of their jobs.
There are millions of people who are tortured by the suffocating pain of hopelessness as they dream in vain of happier days at work.
There are millions of people who are haunted by dark thoughts of doing the unthinkable to avoid the pain of another work day.
While all of that is true, I can’t allow myself to think of the millions of people who crave a nicer world to work in and live in.
Instead, I think of the one person who is currently sitting in her cubicle feeling the same soul-destroying pain that I suffered through many years ago.
That is what matters to me.
I’m not driven by Twitter followers or Facebook likes.
I’m not driven by money, fame, or achieving legendary guru status.
If those things happen for me, that would be great–but trust me, none of that is even close to what truly drives me.
My drive comes from something far less glamorous or exciting.
I’m driven by pain.
Specifically, I’m driven by the goal to end as much unnecessary pain in the workplace (scratch that, in the world) as possible.
In my mind, I can picture the person mentioned above who is currently suffering through intense emotional pain due in large part to her job. Thinking of this person keeps me up at night. Even though I don’t know who this person is, I can sincerely say that I understand her pain intimately because I have felt it too.
I believe that if I can find a way to make her pain go away, I could change her life forever.
And if I’m able to do that, maybe I could change the world too.
That’s why I will always “stay on script” and not deviate from it until the day that I die.
This is the most important dream that has ever entered my mind, and I am committed to being alive to see it become a reality.
That’s the long answer to the very well-meaning question stated at the beginning of this post. But from now on, when I’m asked “why I’m doing this,” the short answer will have to suffice.
It’s because I have to do this.
“Feed them that are hungry, clothe them that are naked. And speak for them that has no voice.” This was a quote from a fantasy book by Terry Pratchett. And never have I seen it put so well. You keep exploding my expectations, mate. That’s a good thing. I hated being numb, I hated feeling nothing. Sometimes I find myself sliding, but due to people like you, I pull myself out of it. No one’s taking MY happy, damnit!
Exploding expectations? Now that is quite the compliment, my friend. Trust me, I find myself sliding too, but I promised myself that I will NEVER allow myself to feel that sickening feeling of emotional numbness ever again. I am very thankful and humbled if my words have played a role at all in you keeping your happy–that’s an honor! Thanks for reading Shazz, and thanks for the fantastic quote too!
Well, it is, after all, what you set out to do. Though we may not say it, I for one can say that you’ve made a difference to me.
I, for one, am very grateful that you do what you do. The world needs a lot more positive people who want to see things get better.
<3 katho
Katho! As always, I am grateful for you and your boundless positivity and optimism! Thank you so much for your comment, and thanks for being one of the people who are focused on seeing the world become happier, nicer, and (for a lack of a different word) better
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Isn’t it wonderful how things work out? I’m not glad that you had a soul-sucking job, but I’m so glad that the soul-sucking job led you to this. I look forward to reading your words every week. I love how they ooze with positivity. It’s inspiring and refreshing and really quite lovely. If you had decided to stay where you were, your awesome sauce would never have been discovered! I believe you are changing the world my friend!
Hey Spring! It’s crazy–as horrific as that situation was, I’m thankful everyday that I was able to experience it. Living through that situation has allowed me to feel a deeper level of empathy for others who are also suffering through similar situations, and as an added bonus, it was the launching pad for what I’m hoping will be my life’s work too!
Thank you Spring for your very kind words. It’s because of wonderful people like you that keep me fired up to do what some people might consider impossible. With your help, we can slather our awesome sauce all over the world to create happier and healthier work environments for everyone
Let’s do this!
This is perfect timing for me. I just had this convo with someone I thought was a friend after I received an email at work from a customer calling me fat, in need of a new hairstyle, with bad skin. And the company had no response. I have been there for 14 years. I have been told by others that this is the way of the world, you need your job, maybe that customer was having something terrible going on in their life, did you ask them?
My brain was screaming Cubepiphany!!!
Hey there Susan! Wow, that is not cool AT ALL of that customer–I’m so sorry to hear that you had to deal with that email. That person really needs to swing by here and read this post, maybe he/she will learn a thing or two
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I’m also bummed to hear that your company had no response and actually tried to justify the customer’s unjustifiable behavior! Unbelievable. The fact that you thought of me and this blog means a lot to me. There will be a day when that kind of behavior becomes a thing of the past–it might be a while, but that’s what I’m fighting for. Hang in there Susan!
Two words. Workplace bullying. Your appearance has nothing to do with your work duties. It sucks that people have to put up with this archaic stupidity. Go to HR, take it further. At least you can be the bright inspiration it looks like your work needs. Best of luck!1
Amen.
Oh, Shola, I can’t say how much I felt for you reading this. I had the exact same “you could just crash into the guard rail thoughts” at several dark points of my life, and I too have no idea what made me ignore them, but I’m so thankful something in me did–and that something in you did, too, so that you could convert your darkness into a mission to bring life to others.
It can be so goddamn frustrating to be on a quest like this, because the masses (being zombified) don’t’ think they need it, don’t want it, and are often actually hostile to efforts to try to enlighten them, because then they’ll have to take action. Then they’ll have to face the scary reality that things can’t go on the way they are and that they might have to take a chance to free themselves from it.
But keep going, Shola. You are the voice for every single person out there who’s gone through that darkness and now LONGS to reach out to the others still back in the cave and say “No, this isn’t right, you deserve so much better.” You’re the voice for those who are still in the cave, dully watching the shadows of the real world on the wall and not realizing there’s a real world outside if they dare to step out into the sun and experience it. You have a true passion and the rare ability to convey that passion so strongly through writing that it makes those of us reading want to jump up and start a revolution.
And with every post you write, more people do just that. The pebble starts rolling down the hill, and it’s gathering steam and mass until one day it will become a boulder no one can stop.
Wow, that was a really long and overly poetic comment. You see what you do to me?
Nothing is as strong as an idea whos time has come. You people are an inspiration to me. Not so much those who amble along not caring, but those who have suffered, sacrificed and and thought “Bugger this. I am changing and so is this world. This is unacceptable.” Thank you to you who have suffered, and decided to help the rest of us.
Seriously Cordelia, even your comments are EPIC–you are quite a gifted writer, my friend. I cannot even begin to thank you enough for your incredibly encouraging words–I am beyond thrilled to know that there are people like you out there who “get” me
With every fiber of my being, I want this revolution to happen. You know me–I will not give up until I see it become a reality. There are so many people who are sad, beaten down, and like us at one point, “ready to drive into the guard rail”–and it doesn’t have to be that way. When I think about throwing up my hands and giving up, I just think of that one person who could decide to actually drive into the guard rail on her way to work tomorrow morning. What if I could have done something to help or prevent it? What if I could added some more happiness to her life? What if I could have shown her that there is still plenty of reason to have hope? If I don’t act, I will never know.
In the end, it’s fabulous people like you who keep reminding me that I’m fighting a worthwhile battle and to refuse to give up, no matter what. That encouragement is worth more than you will EVER know. I know that I sound like a broken record, but thank you for being YOU.
Again, BRAVO! Your mission and script are words everyone should strive towards. It starts with one, and I believe we are all lucky it has started with you. You have started a revolution and you are gaining momentum and people who are willing to fight this fight with you every day! Thank you again for your explosive enthusiam. It helps to keep me on fire! I had to add a couple of quotes for you. I feel it’s required due to the fantastic nickname you’ve given me! LOL. Keep fighting the good fight! We’re right here with you!
Your Quote Queen
“Keep your dreams alive. Understand to achieve anything requires faith and belief in yourself, vision, hard work, determination, and dedication. Remember all things are possible for those who believe.” ~Gail Devers
“Every great dream begins with a dreamer. Always remember, you have within you the strength, the patience, and the passion to reach for the stars to change the world.” ~Harriet Tubman
Hey Valisa! I was wondering when my beloved Q.Q. (Quote Queen, to the uninitiated) was going to show up to the party! You been so ridiculously awesome since the early days of this journey, and your infectious energy is unbelievably contagious. I know that I’ve told you this a gazillion times already, but I am so thankful that you are a part of this journey with me. The reason why this revolution is gaining momentum is due solely to wonderful people like you
And as the Q.Q., you did not disappoint in giving me two new quotes to add to my already-bursting quote book this week. You really do have amazing taste in inspirational quotes–believe me, you have fully earned your royalty status, my friend. I’ve never heard either of those quotes before, and as you know, that’s hard for me to say because I collect inspirational quotes. Speaking of which, thanks for inspiring me Valisa–your comments and positivity are incredibly appreciated!
“The company won and I lost.” That is so not true. YOU won and the COMPANY lost. So many large corporations lose wonderful employees due to aggressive, and sometimes sadistic, management. I have someone very close to me who is right now going through what you describe. I’m going to pass this post along in hopes it will help, and I thank you for it.
Hey Cordelia’s Mom! You are absolutely right–in the end, I did win because I left with my happiness and my sanity intact (thank goodness!). Even though the company is unquestionably the loser in the story, perhaps the biggest losers of all are the people who are still stuck working for that company (or others who are stuck working for similarly terrible companies). THANK YOU for being willing to pass this post along–I sincerely hope that it makes a difference
. Thanks so much for your comment, and please tell your fabulous daughter that I said hi!
Such an amazing and powerful article. I really think you should be hosting “Let’s bring back joy to the workplace” events. It’s amazing how people (management) do not understand that happy and healthy employees are productive employees. Most managers should take time to find out what motivates his/her people and what makes them happy. I once read this quote somewhere ” if you carry joy in your heart, you heal any moment.” We work in a health care system where healing and curing happens all the time. Joy and healing should be part of who we are. I believe that patient care doesn’t start nor end with the doctors. It involves knowledgeable team of doctors and staff. And what a better way to treat patients with people who are happy to be there and to help.
Hey Lariza, it is so great to see you here! I would love to host “Let’s bring joy back to the workplace” events! Like you said, it is frightening how many companies and senior leaders in 2013 don’t understand that happy and engaged employees are also some of the most productive employees as well. In healthcare this is even more important, because it is all about life and death situations. If either of my daughters were to get horribly sick, I sure as hell would want the people who are caring for them to be engaged in their work, that’s for sure. In the end, it always comes back to creating workplaces that are healthy, happy, engaged, and productive–if we can do that, then we can change the world. Thanks so much reading, Lariza!
Thank you for this site and its posts! My mom is one of those people who’s keeping you up at night, and I want her to have a better life. She’s too experienced and intelligent and beautiful to be in so much pain. I’m hoping that by sharing your words with her, she can finally have her “never again” moment and start living again. THANK YOU!!
Hey Julie, thank you so much for being here! Yes, without a shadow of a doubt, it’s good people like your mom who is keeping me up at night. She shouldn’t have to deal with unnecessary emotional pain at work (or anywhere else, to be honest). I want to make her pain go away. I want whoever is causing the pain (or allowing it to continue, unchecked) to knock it off immediately. There is no excuse for rudeness and destructive behavior in the workplace. Some people may think that sounds cheesy, or that I sound like a beauty pageant contestant when I say those things, but that’s what I’m fighting for. If my words can help her to find her “Never Again” moment, that would be beyond fantastic. Life is too short for your intelligent and beautiful mom to be miserable. Julie, please give your mom a pre-Valentine’s day hug from me, and thank you for your comment!